he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
