I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
