Barsexuality is the new black.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
