you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize