Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
