I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
