well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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