3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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