I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was confusing and full of hummus
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
