wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
