Don't you send me to vm
Only a mothe r could love this liver
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
