If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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