just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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