i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
