I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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