Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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