Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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