The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
