we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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