roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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