I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need a burrito and a hug.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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