So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
