What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My pussy is not your playground.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
