Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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