babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
