Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm bleeding and have questions
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
