You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
