Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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