I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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