I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize
