I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
