Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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