please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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