Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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