Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
