Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just cropdusted the office
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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