Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize