Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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