Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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