she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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