I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
