her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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