Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
