she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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