there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
