look no pants
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
