I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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