did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
