Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
