it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
