i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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