WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
