his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's never too late to be topless.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
