turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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