just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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