so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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