Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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