i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
