no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
