New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
