His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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