1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
