It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
