You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
