she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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