im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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