it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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