Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
