I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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