She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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