Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
