I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
