who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
