i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
