Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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