I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
