I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we made out on top of his cat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
